So I have had alot to think about as of late . . .mainly things that are beyond my control.
I know that I have written about these things before and it might appear that I want you all to pity me or feel sorry for me or whatever . . .just know that this post is just for me to vent a bit about what I am learning from the Lord and how these life experiences are about.
I heard about a guys, its probably many men actually, that say that they are not ready to have a child. I have been thinking about that alot now that my son is going to make his appearance in this world in the next couple of months because I actually said this prior to finding out we were pregnant. Are we ever ready to have children? An author on parenthood once said that I think as men if we wait for the time that we are ready to have children then we will end up having our children when we are too old to truly enjoy them as a younger dad would. For this reason I am really thankful to God that He has planned it to work out this way that I will be a dad when I am only 25. Wow, am I really that old already?! This May 4th I will be a quarter of a century old and while that may make some of you scoff I am realizing that as my first child comes into the world, my responsibilities increase alot, possibly even more than I even know. Currrently I am very occupied with thoughts of what that responsibility is. I am having a little difficult time figuring out the balance of things. My job is very important and it is through working and doing something for a living that I am able and blessed to provide for my family, but the Lord also wants me to be with Him daily and the balance of these things is sometimes hard.
Of course I have many questions as to what parenthood is going to be like but everyone I ask here says that you really need to experience it, trust the Lord, turn to Him for guidance on how to "deal with the kids" and the rest falls into place. I feel really blessed to be working with so many very wise people. The administration is really a dream to work with and the director and member care people do an amazing job helping us stay fired up to serve here. However even despite the wonderful care that we receive as missionaries I am still sometimes feeling a little down and defeated. Please pray that the Lord would help me to defeat these feeling of defeatedness and to live life victorious.
I am reminded that we are constantly on a spiritual warfare battlefield. Satan uses all the feelings of despair and grief and can try to accentuate their power so that we feel we cannot go on when the Truth is that Jesus died so that these feelings, though we still feel them, do not have to affect us or our ministries. I guess I just need a reminder of that Truth.
Until the next venting . . .